The Pirates!

In An Adventure With Ahab

by
Gideon Defoe

Pantheon, October 2005, 152 pp.
ISBN: 0-375-42385-0

Genre: Fantasy

Subgenre: Pirates / Humor
Reviewed: 11/7/2005

Reviewed by: Conan Tigard

Book Cover

Excerpt

The Island of Nantucket at Cutlass Liz's Boatyard

'I suppose you swabs are here to get your boat fixed up?' said Cutlass Liz, putting her hands on her hips.

'Yes, please. I mean to say, if that would be all right. Not if you're too busy or anything,' said the scarf-wearing pirate.

Cutlass Liz looked at the ramshackle old pirate boat and frowned. 'Is that a piece of gammon you've patched up the side with?'

'You'd be surprised how effective a properly cooked bit of gammon can be at keeping out the weather,' explained the Pirate Captain, making sure to touch his hair, because he remembered hearing that touching your own hair was a good way to be flirtatious with someone.

'And she seems to be listing rather badly.'

'Oh, that's because I like to keep my boats at a jaunty angle. It's to demonstrate that I don't take life too seriously.'

'Not having a mast? Does that demonstrate anything in particular?'

'Ah, no. Not as such.'

'Sorry, boys,' said Cutlass Liz with a shrug. 'I don't think there's much I can do for her. But have you thought about trading her in? I do part exchange, you know.'

'How much do you think the old girl's worth?' asked the pirate in green.

'She's sturdier than she looks,' lied the scarf-wearing pirate.

'Yes. And you're not just getting a boat,' said the sassy pirate. 'I reckon there must be about five hundred pounds of barnacles stuck on her hull. That's got to be worth a bit.' ⁷

'And it's full of rats,' added the albino pirate helpfully. He was going to say about the mushrooms that were growing out of the carpet in the galley as well, but the Pirate Captain cut in before he had a chance.

'She's not on fire. That's got to count for something.'

_________

7 The cement exuded by barnacles is an extremely tough protein polymer. It is twice as strong as the epoxy glue used on the space shuttle. Also, the barnacle penis is ten times as long as the rest of its body.

Synopsis

Deciding that it is time to bring the boat in for a tune up, they sail to Nantucket to visit Cutlass Liz's boatyard. Needless to say, Cutlass Liz takes one look at the boat and offers only 50 doubloons to break up the boat and use it for kindling. She then sells the Pirate Captain the beautiful Lovely Emma for 6000 doubloons, which, of course, he doesn't have. Having just watched her eviscerate a non-paying pirate, they make haste to find some way of paying her back.

They travel to Las Vegas to earn some money and the Pirate Captain runs across a depressed sailor named Ahab, who has been searching for the great white what that bit off one of his legs. The Pirate Captain wishes him luck in his hunt and they soon leave Las Vegas after not making much money at all because of the Pirate Captain's nemesis, Black Bellamy. Out on the open seas, they decided to do some actual pirating to make the money.

They end up boarding Ahab's boat, who, in turn, tells the Pirate Captain that he is willing to pay 6000 doubloons to the person that catches the white whale. As time passes, and the pirates are unsuccessful, they know that Cutlass Liz will be hunting them down and they may all soon end up in Davy Jones' Locker.

The Pirates! in an Adventure with Ahab by Gideon Defoe is a humorous, fictional story about a bunch of pirates who don't really seem to be pirates.

Review

I love English humor, and this book is just packed to the gills with it. I cannot count the number of times I laughed out loud while I was reading, but it was a lot. I absolutely loved The Pirates! in an Adventure with Ahab and all of the wacky characters in this book.

I enjoyed the fact that the pirates didn't go around killing people left and right but would rather spend their time having fun. These guys, and one gal, would never be considered the scoundrels of the sea. They act more like they are on a cruise, which makes the book all that more entertaining.

I loved the twist of have Ahab in the story looking for the infamous white whale. I won't tell you about the end of the story, but it had me rolling around on the floor laughing hysterically.

Overall, The Pirates! in an Adventure with Ahab is one of the most enjoyable and entertaining books that I have read in a while. I can't wait to see what else Gideon Defoe will do with his misfit band of pirates. I only hope their boat doesn't sink before the next adventure starts.

I rated this book a 10 out of 10.